Life will never be the same

You wouldn't think that in 4 days things could turn so upside down, and within a week come full circle. Last Wednesday I was so constipated I thought my bowels would burst. In the following days I ate as many fibrey poop inspiring foods I could sink my teeth into. And on Saturday I took it too far. 10 grain pancakes.

I felt absolutely fine, nothing was off. Went to bed thinking nothing of it, little did I know my life was going to change forever. I don`t think I will ever have a worry free fart again.

I was obvious even as I woke up Sunday morning. I drifted in and out of sleep, letting myself sleep in as I rarely do, I felt very relaxed and well rested. Not a care in the world, just a fart in my bum. So I let it go.
But it wasn't a fart, and I shit my pants.

I was horrified. No that`s not right, I was way beyond horrified and there are no words to describe it. Not only that, but someone was in the bathroom. Not knowing what to do I grabbed a wad of tissues and shoved them down my pants hoping nothing would fall to the floor.

If you could call it luck, after just having shit your pants...they stepped out of the bathroom and I ran in. What was in my pants wasn't the end of the pooping, not by a long shot. Have you ever tried to hold back diarrhea? It isn't easy. I kept my hand firmly over my bum the entire time, as if that could really help.
I’m always joking that I filled the bowl, this time it was no joke. As soon I my ass touched the seat my butt sprayed like a garden hose out of control. A combination of the noise (oh god the noise) and the smell made me want to vomit. For a moment, just a moment, I thought it was never going to stop.

While hell exploded from my butt, I took some toilet paper and scooped as much of the poop out of my underpants that I could. Amongst my own shit I could clearly see the seeds from the pancakes I ate the night before. They had gone right through me, and looked surprisingly clean considering the company they were keeping.
Needless to say I had to throw out everything I was wearing on my lower half.
Disgusted? Think that’s it? So did I.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing, I didn't feel sick or anything, the worst I felt was a lack of appetite. I almost forgot what had happened that morning, and then a fart came. I felt so good I didn't think anything of it when I felt the fart coming, but as soon as it started to push it’s stinky little head out I realized that it wasn't a fart, it was a reoccurrence of the horror I had experienced in the morning.

I quickly ran to the bathroom and had another earth shattering experience. An Imodium put an end to any more trouble for that day. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from panicking every time I felt a fart. It’s been 3 days and I finally let myself fart. It was a good long, full fart, and for a moment I thought it was going to be more than that. Thankfully it wasn't, but it did lead to an emptying of my bowels that was both long and painful. I cannot deny that it wasn't fruitful, somewhat pathetic, but after having to take an Imodium and being backed up again I’ll take what I can get.

I almost said I hope things will get back to normal, but I think after you've shit your pants it's safe to say things will never be the same again.