Day off from everything but pooping

Yesterday morning I was having a major farting fest. They smelled really bad too, like something had crawled up inside of me and died. I was expecting a big production when I finally squatted over the bowl. I thought I was at risk of filling the bowl. I was sorely disappointed. I couldn't even squeeze out a deformed nugget, it was horrible. When I finally did get something to come out mid afternoon it was nothing more than what an ant's poop might look like. The day was filled with a lot of false promises. I felt like I could have popped.

When I woke up this morning I felt like my insides were as hard as a rock. I sat on the toilet for a good half hour and all that came out were a dozen babies toes. I was already going to be late for work and I felt like I had more business to attend to, so I stayed home to work things out. It had been a few days since I'd had a good session on the throne, and even then I had had a few days between the last couple of them.

I wanted to stay home so that I could be on the toilet before I finished a fart. I tend to put it off sometimes even when I know I shouldn't. Things come up, when it`s coming down, you know? I wasn't convinced that taking the day off would work, but it worked better than I thought. I had a few false alarms but for the most part I think I got the bulk of my load out. Not that it didn't take the whole day, and didn't hurt. It certainly did not feel good. (I swear I saw a little blood). So problem solved for now, I’ll live to poop another day...I hope.

Why we do it...

Growing up I hated having to go to the washroom anywhere outside of my house. My biggest fear was going to the washroom and having a big long poop and then having to go back to my group knowing that they knew that I knew that I had been gone way too long.

About five years ago my best friend and I went on a three week backpacking trip around Europe. In most of the places we stayed the bathrooms had barely a paper thin wall dividing it from the room, and boy could you hear everything! Every fart, plop and tinkle even with the TV blaring. I think it took us about 3 nights before we started commenting on the volume the other was making, even going as far as commenting while the other was in the loo. I will admit I was the meaner of the two and at one point my friend begged me to wander the streets of Paris while she emptied her load.

A few years later the same friend and I decided to be roomies, permanently sharing a toilet. And that`s when it happened. We aren't sure when or how, but what started out as an embarrassing and taboo act has flourished into one of our main conversation topics on a daily basis. And why not? Everyone does it, and talking about it has been so free and enlightening we decided we needed to share our discussions with the rest of the world.

And since poop isn't always the only crappy thing produced some days we are going to talk about all of the crappy things in life, not just shit.